Honey Badger: 5 Reasons He Would Make a Good Pet

by John Cave Osborne

We're thinking about getting a honey badger.Have you ever heard of the honey badger? According to the Guinness Book of World Records, he’s the most fearless little animal in the world. Which would be a plus if he were to apply for the position of family pet at the Osborne household. Our current pet, Briggs? We love him. No doubt about that. But at 9, he’s just starting to get a bit long in the tooth. Not to mention the fact he’s frequently scared off by the noise emitted by our tyrannical toddlers, usually trotting off to his bed, head held low, tail tucked between his legs, whenever anyone has even the most minor of meltdowns.

Once we add Grand Finale to the mix in July? I worry he’ll be even more timid. No such problem with the honey badger, however. Given he’s the most fearless animal in the world and all. Here are 5 other reasons why I think he’d make a good family pet for us:

1. Good genes: It doesn’t take an animal expert to recognize what great genes the honey badger has. I mean, look at the guy. He’s a dead ringer for Pepe Le Pew. Yet, since he’s not a skunk, he won’t come with the odor. Translation? I have a feeling we’d all fall head over heels in love with the little creature.

2. Always on the go: The honey badger covers up to 25 miles per day. Given that fact, along with his broad shoulders and muscular back, I bet he might be able to take Alli to school. Hell, it’s only 20 miles round trip. That’ll still leave him plenty of legs to play with the triplets when he gets back.

3. Exterminator: Okay, this guy’s not named the most fearless little animal in the world for nothing. While he’s ambling around each day, he effortlessly disposes of all kinds of pest-like creatures along the way. Bees? Not a problem. You see, he doesn’t go after their honey, as his name might suggest. Rather it’s their young he’s interested in. That’s right. Infant bees. (It’s a larvae thing.) Which means they’ll never get a chance to grow up and sting us. Snakes? Please. The honey badger ain’t skeert. Yep. Not only will such skills keep the kiddos safe. It’ll also keep the Orkin bills down.

4. Doesn’t need rest: The honey badger barely even rests between his various conquests. Which means he’s got plenty of energy and that’s a good thing. Because we get started pretty early and usually don’t wind down until later than we’d like.

5. Provider: Let’s face it. Times are tough. And if Caroline and I ever reach a point where we have a difficult time putting food on the table, the honey badger is sure to help.