Ironclad

In the publicity material for “Ironclad,” the makers boast that their movie has battle gore and ultraviolence to match that found in “300.”

That might be a selling point for some folks to see this reimagining of what happened in England after King John signed the Magna Carta. Not me.

“300,” you may recall, starred Gerard Butler in a visually striking retelling of the Spartans’ stand against invading Persians. Digitally generated blood spurted impressively, amputated limbs spun in slo-mo, and wincingly bad dialogue about democracy rang hollow.

History tells us the Magna Carta was the document that gave the people rights and curtailed the power of the king in 1215 A.D. It’s seen as the foundation for democracy in England.

In “Ironclad,” King John (Paul Giamatti) is royally peeved that he was forced to sign away any of his powers. Now he’s using Danish mercenaries to come after his enemies and ditch the document.

A small band of the Knights Templar, that secret church organization featured in “The Da Vinci Code,” rallies to the archbishop’s side to foil John’s plot. Their mission is to hold a key castle to keep the king’s army from advancing northward, while the archbishop asks France for help.

Our heroes are led by Albany, a spirited nobleman (Brian Cox), and Thomas (James Purefoy), a former Crusades fighter who is haunted by his gruesome past and has to be talked into taking up the sword again.

They get to the castle just ahead of the king and shut themselves in with its complaining master, Cornhill (Derek Jacobi). He’s married to a much younger beauty (Kate Mara), but she’s not getting any action from the old man. She quickly sets her sights on Thomas.

This being the Middle Ages, we’re in for a thoroughly unpleasant siege. Catapults hurl boulders and fireballs. Warriors scale castle walls, only to have boiling oil poured on them. Arrows fly, swords clank, axes cleave parts asunder.

The fake gore is the centerpiece of the entertainment. Smoldering lust is a sidelight. And rarely will you see so many talented actors uniformly chew scenery and embarrass themselves as body parts are hacked and men scream in agony.

My strategy, viewing this on DVD, was to fast-forward through long stretches of horsemen wordlessly riding across the countryside, as well as tediously repetitious battle segments. That way, this two-hour film only feels like three.